disintegrate

rate

why me? why do i feel that You are taking away things from me?
why do people's decisions affect me so much?
why do i have to be judged time and time agian?
it does not make sense and i still dont see why i am wrong, Lord.

but i thank You for the peace that you have given me today. a peace that i found buried inside that is emerging and waiting to get out. i found out how your expectations are never the same as my expectations.

;

even with 6 more months to go, it feels like time is really against us. i just wish things didnt have to turn out this way. i just wish i really could have more time wtih you because i know at the end of the day, you will leave. it is painful and i can already see myself falling apart. i'm falling apart not because i am escaping from it but i am falling apart because i am truly embracing the situation. i am already getting a gimpse of what it is like to lose a sister like you. it scares me to know that we will be accepting more changes to come : different church and different school. i dont know why God is dealing us in this way and i dont know how am i going to accept the decisions that you will make.

;

deal with me in your own way, Lord. i am really tired of living in this mess.